Where is the hickey?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Randomize
