walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
