the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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