the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
