I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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