I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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