Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
