I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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