I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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