It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
