dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
