How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
and she was petting her beer can
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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