ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Randomize
