ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
We had to coat check the pizza.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
