Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
