You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
