There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
handjob tips. give me some.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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