Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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