She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
