took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
