...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I need to align my fucking chakras
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
