If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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