Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
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