Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
