worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
