i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
