Buhtt sex?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
