im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
