Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
