My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
