We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
