KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
