And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
false alarm, still single
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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