..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
so explain again why im purple
no
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
