Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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