Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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