Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
