**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Randomize
