If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
soo... how was my night?
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