i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize