it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
