woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize