The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
