Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
