Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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