we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
did i just pee glitter
Never underestimate the power of titties
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