I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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