didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Randomize
