We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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