Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Randomize
