I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
