I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
The dick lei will go down in squad history
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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