Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
