: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
He passed out mid-signature
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
