And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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