On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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