exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
