I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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