That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize