there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
