Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
