you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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