Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
my being single is dangerous.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
